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Truly, no good deed goes unpunished.
Here I try to give you some good clean old-fashioned fun, like mad Jean Loring wrecking the planet with earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricane and the tragic story of unreciprocated love between a pirate and his bosun.
And what I get for this selfless entertainment of the people?
ATTACKED BY THE WIND PIRATE!
Yes, Totaltoyz secretly set a custom-made Wind Pirate Heroclix figure upon me, in all its absurd glory. Accurate right down to the marzipan magenta skull-flower on his Cap'n Crunch hat.
In case you wondering what the Wind Pirate can do, he sits appropriately enough on a Major Disaster dial; here is his card...
Although the Wind Pirate was not given a name in his one and only story, his backstory on this card lists him as Navy weather scientist Gilbert Sullivan. I assume his middle initial is "N". Probably for "Nancy" (family name, I'm sure).
I'll have to team him up with one of my Jean Loring customs. Or have a new one made, with her in a torn magenta dress and special powers that let her destroy entire portions of the map. Then once she's kayoed she becomes a special object that gives those same powers to adjacent colleagues.
But now I'm also going to need a Bosun figure with some sort of minion power ("Bitchslap: Wind Pirate may Mastermind attack damage or pushing damage to Bosun, making Bosun really hot") and a Piratical Parakeet pog with the power to Perplex ornithologists and Hal Jordan.
"Shut up, you toady, I'm watching Aquaman's ass. 
"But there's so much more I want to show you, Cap'n! The Cherry Blossom Festival! The Ile de France with all the gulls around it! Niagra Falls...!"
Tragically, it's not to be. There's no romance in piracy, folks.
