Just Stay at Home

If this week had been a comic book it would have been something like this.


Aquaman came to the rescue of a stranded cruise ship today. While delighted passengers watched with amazement, crustaceans crawled up the hull of the ship, carrying electric eels which they hooked up to power the generators, then graciously jumped into steam-pots to become the evening’s dinner, “My finny friends, even the ones without fins, are always happy to lend a claw to the over-privileged land-dwellers who prey on them," Aquaman said. “Might as well be comfortable while we are waiting for whales to tow the ship back to shore!” Ship’s engineers have confirmed that they have enough Spam to feed the electric eels that are continuing to power the air conditioners, casino, and karaoke machines.


Gabrielle Doe, a.k.a. “Halo”, marvels at how far she’s gone on “Dancing with the Superheroes”.


The Prime Minister of Italy received a vote of Extra Confidence today for hiring time consultant Rip Hunter to repair the 2000 year old House of the Gladiators near Mount Vesuvius. “It was not merely a cultural imperative, but a practical matter,” the PM pointed out. “He’s much cheaper than Cave Carson…"


Haitian government admits to inaction on cholera epidemic. “With all the super-science available at the Haiti office of STAR Labs, we could probably stop it immediately, using, oh, nanobots or some such,“ said Haitian President Wyclef Jean. “But we’ve kind of been hoping it would activate somebody’s metagene so we could have our own national superhero. Every year, we try to have several major disasters of a various kinds, just in case. In fact, we keep Paul Booker on retainer.”


President Obama arrived in Indonesia this week for a meeting with assembled superheroes of the archipelago, including Prince Elongated and Princess Star. Aquanus had been scheduled to join them , but was detained helping Aquaman take care of a cruiseshipful of spoiled Americans. The meeting went well, despite a potentially embarrassing incident where Herbintang disintegrated the main course at the ceremonial dinner. “It’s quite alright,” Obama quipped, “I hate Indonesian food any way!” The assembled heroes duly laughed at the president's lame joke for nearly 30 seconds while the credits rolled.